20pt
こんな感じでいかがでしょうか?
When I checked on line, I found my account was double-charged for the amount of the invoice as of December 8th,order number A*** on December 4th. I would like to kindly ask you to delete one of the charges. Thank you.
30pt
Subject: Erroneous charge
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When I checked the online record of my creditcard account, I found that I had been charged twice on 8th of October for order number A***** which I ordered on 4th of October.
Please credit the one of those to my account as soon as possible. If you have any questions, please let me know by e-mail.
Thank you.
20pt
The online statement shows that there are two charges on October 8 for Order #A**** of October 4.
Please remove one.
Thank you.
# は、numberでもOK.
アメリカでは"kindly"は滅多に使わないし、優しすぎる。
アメリカ相手には、ストレートにビシバシ言った方がいいです。
この手のニーズがよくあるなら、こちらをお勧め
http://www.amazon.co.jp/exec/obidos/ASIN/4789011542/glc-22
20pt
一ヶ所訂正
The online statement shows two charges on Oct. 8...
より簡潔な方がベターなので。
Good luck!
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