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Could you check my essay?

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Detail

- Only grammar check = 70 each 2 person (Only serious answer.)

- Rewrite my essay more natural.( more correct sentences and more high level.) = 150P each 2 person.

- Your original essay(do not copy from internet txt.) =130 each 2 person .

Thank you
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Q Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no usefule purpose. Use specific reason and examples to explain your answer.

--My esssay--

In the world There are aboundant varieties fof animals. I disagree that a zoo has no usefule purpose,because A zoo give you an opportunity to know about animals and good place of outings for familly.

A zoo is good for leaning about animals.because you can see real animals, It's difficult to get experience in daily. You can watch and sometimes touch real animals.

A zoo is good place of outings, because Many children like a animals.A character from animals are liked by children. For instance Micky mouse,Spoopy, and the like. There are many children who looks pleasure in a zoo.

Of course That is not real animal ecology. Not all children like a animals.
But it's true that many children like animals and you know animals better than you don't go.So I disagree a zoo has no puropose.

●質問者: aoipan
●カテゴリ:学習・教育 科学・統計資料
✍キーワード:ALL Go HAS Internet level
○ 状態 :終了
└ 回答数 : 4/4件

▽最新の回答へ

1 ● gorogogo
●0ポイント

Japanese please

┐(´ー`)┌

◎質問者からの返答

sucks pay up!



2 ● EngRish
●300ポイント ベストアンサー

突っ込みどころ満載ですが、まず人に添削してもらう場合はスペルチェックくらいはしておきましょう。大文字小文字、カンマピリオドの関係も注意深く確認が必要です。

エッセイに使うのが望ましい接続詞についてもっと勉強した方がいいですね。

それからエッセーということですがこのままではかなり文字数が少ないです。138ワードしかないですがせめて250ワードくらいに膨らませてイントロダクションを50ワード程度、コンクルージョンを100ワード程度、メインボディのアイデァは最低二つでそれぞれトピックセンテンスを一つとそれをサポートする文をひとつないしは二つでそれぞれ50ワードで何とか最低限のエッセイの形になります。

元の表現をできるだけ残した形で本当に文法の部分だけざっくりとみてみました。

In the world, Tthere are aboundant varieties fof animals. I disagree that a zoo has no usefule purpose, because Aa zoo gives you an opportunity to know about animals and is a good place of outings for familly going out.

In the world, there are abundant varieties of animals. I disagree that a zoo has no useful purpose, because A zoo give you an opportunity to know about animals and good place for family going out.

A zoo is a good place for leaning about animals. because you can see real animals,. It's difficult to get experience everydayin daily. You can watch and sometimes touch real animals.

A zoo is a good place for leaning about animals because you can see real animals. It's difficult to get experience everyday. You can watch and sometimes touch real animals.

A zoo is a good place forof outings, because Mmany children like a animals. A cCharacters from animals are liked by children., Ffor instance, Mickey mouse,Spnoopy, and etcthe like. There are many children who looks pleasure in a zoo.

A zoo is good place for outings, because many children like animals. Children like characters from animals, for instance, Mickey mouse, Snoopy, and etc. There are many children who look pleasure in a zoo.

Of course, Tthat is not real animal ecology. Not all children like a animals.

ButHowever, it's true that many children like animals and they canyou know about animals well, better rather than not go a zooyou don't go. Therefore,So I disagree a zoo has no puropose.

Of course, that is not real animal ecology. Not all children like animals.

However, it's true that many children like animals and they can know about animals well rather than not go a zoo. So I disagree a zoo has no purpose.

◎質問者からの返答

Thank you for your answer and advice!

when I write essay, I don't fear to make a mistake.I think it's very important.

I want to write essay to Hatena every day. If it's possible.I hope you check my essay when you have a free time.

Anyway You get 200P. If you have a opinion about that. Please tell me. I will reexamine that.

I change mind. you get 300p.


3 ● pineapples-and-jellybeans
●300ポイント

突っ込むのめんどくさい、ってかミス多すぎ。全部書き直しちゃうよ。

Throughout the world, there are many varieties of animals that exist. I disagree to zoos having no useful purpose because zoos give people an opportunity to know about animals and it is a perfect place for families to visit.

Zoos are good for leaning about animals, since people are allowed to see real animals very closely. This is something that is hard to experience in our daily lives. People can watch and even touch real animals.

A zoo is a perfect place for families to visit. Children love animals, and characters made from animals such as Mickey mouse and Snoopy. There are many children who look happy in zoos.

Of course, this does not mean that each and every child likes animals. However, it is true that many children do. Visiting zoos will make a change in your knowledge about animals, and there is no reason to support the idea of zoos having no useful purpose.

◎質問者からの返答

Thank you for your good answer and your advice, but I don't support your advice well.

Certainly I made many easy mistakes. You are right. but I didn't realize my mistakes.I did my best.That's not "easy mistakes" for me.

You don't know my English skill well.So I don't want that you compare others with me.

and if I care about my mistake well. I can't want to write a English essay, because That's very stress to me.

I hope you understand my way.bc I don't change my mind.To begin with, if I can use English perfect.I don't need any help, don't you?

Thank you and take care.


4 ● ita
●300ポイント

Try C&P your text to MS Word and it'll tell you simple typos and wrong punctuations.

Your text reminds me of "Flowers for Algernon" :)

OK, here I'll play the devil's advocate.

I agree on the statement that a zoo has no useful purpose, because if you want to see animals, there are far better place to do it: the internet. Visit youtube and search the name of the animal and you'll get hundreds of hits in which you might find extremely rare footage or very funny videos.

You might claim that it is not real, but then are animals in zoo real? Confined in a small space and fed by humans everyday without any risk of predator, is it real? You can see animals in the real wilderness on the net, being eaten by or eating other animals, and I think they are far more "real" than animals in zoo. Visiting zoo and constructions of zoo are waste of money.

◎質問者からの返答

Thanks you guys! See you next time!

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